There is no reason to really re-hash the droll life altering facts of my life this past year. If you have followed me at all on social media, even just a little bit you know the basics. It has been rather brutal at times.
This July things came to a tipping point. I ended a job I started in the spring after only a few months. It was a remote position and I actually love the company and the people I worked with. However, it was rather isolating for me especially after the last few months of job hunting which had me home most of the time. I wouldn't be opposed to doing a remote job in the future though. I think it was just a case of really bad timing for this job to arrive in my life. Granted, it did get me through the last few months of rent and paying bills but sadly did not help pay down the debt or add back to my savings, both of which took a hit after my marriage ended.
That left me with a decision. Stay in Vegas and take a job anywhere to get by or pack up what I can, start a GoFundMe Campaign to raise some money, and get me and Castle safely somewhere else? After some serious soul searching and some epic crying bouts I decided I needed to leave Las Vegas. I couldn't afford to go anywhere on my own and after thinking it through I decided to go back to my hometown in Pennsylvania.
A few people thought I was running away from my problem. At first I agreed with them. After a solid year of trying to make it work here though I started to disagree with that assessment. Rather, I now believe if something is broken and you put in a solid effort to make it work but nothing changes then you really need to reassess why that is. In my case I felt that staying here was me being stubborn and not wanting anyone to think I just gave up. It wasn't about me at all. I spent money I shouldn't have to have the appearance of having my shit together when , deep down, I was a bunch of puzzle pieces that couldn't seem to put themselves back together.
I am not certain what will happen when I get back to Pennsylvania. If things go well employment wise I am willing to stay there long term. I am not looking to far ahead though. One thing this past year has taught me is to just take one day at a time. I have also learned that everyone who truly cares for me wants nothing but the best for me either way. So many of them have donated to help lessen the financial burden I am experiencing so that I can get home safely, pay off all or part the loan on my car (about $2400 remains) so I can hopefully get rid of that monthly payment with a little bit left to keep me going until I find work.
This has been the toughest thing I have been through outside of the divorce itself. I don't feel like a failure though. Mistakes have been made on my part. I am human. I know this is one day going to be a blip on the scheme of my life, which has much more to offer. Some days I freak out, panic that I chose poorly, or wonder how I am going to keep things afloat for me and Castle. I know that with a little faith we will be okay.
Super Reasons to be Excited (random order):
family and friendss
real actual pizza
running on streets that I know like the back of my hand
being a completely different person than I was when I left there 9 years ago
Yuengling anytime I want
UUU - Aug 27, 2016 - Mohegan Sun Casino - anyone?
trees and grass
Castle being able to have a yard and cooler weather
Carter's Dairy Freeze
Closer to being able to go to Redskins games at some point